Sometimes it is hard not to be disappointed in yourself.

For the longest time, I have always been the stable one keeping my composure. But now graduate school is getting real. The classes are still the same, but the clear path that I had in my head a week ago has been completely broken. I have no clue when I am going to graduate again. When I found out i was my mind was all over the place, and there was a sickening feeling in my stomach. Pretty much my body knew I fucked up.

I managed to pick myself up and get back on track. I had to reschedule all my classes and I have to take a quarter off from work. Or quit if my boss won’t allow it.

When you do bad in life, it is hard to enjoy the things that you want to. If you eat out, you feel like you don’t deserve it. If you buy something, you second guess yourself. The idea of it is stupid. Why punish yourself more when you aren’t already feeling well? As long as you are living within your means, you are allowed to have fun. If there is a weakness, make changes to fix it, but only relevant changes.

My mind has kinda been shut down, but if I stay in this state I will fall behind in life. My mind is more clear now that I’ve laid out my ideas and thoughts in words. I want to be better. I will be better. I will become the best that I can.

Pretty Awesome. One day I will make some rooms in my house like this. It will just take a long time to plan.