I think I have gotten good at leaving a good impression with people. Yesterday I was walking with my classmate and she said that no matter what I do, I will be successful. She told me I was smart, she could really see it in me. But I told her what she saw in me doesn’t really translate into good grades. 

If you think about it, she sees this in me because I work hard to find things for our group project. When she needs help with her homework assignment or paper, I offer to help check her grammar since english isn’t her first language. I am able to explain complicated things to her in a simpler way that she can understand.

When I think about these things, do I do these so people will like me? Or do people like me because I do these things?

I am sure at a time when I was little, we all never liked to do things for others. We were all selfish. I remember I always wanted to play video games, I didn’t want to take turns, I wanted toys, I had no concept of money or how others felt. Over time, good habits are drilled into you by teachers, family, and friends. If you watch children programming, they teach you to be righteous and do things for the greater good. I wanted to be the hero, the person people look up to. When I was younger, I though if you’re nice to a girl, always did what was right, you’d get her in the end. It was classic nice guys finish last. As I got older, I messed around with girls more, I teased them. But in the end, that screwed me up too. I was giving a hard time to people that I liked, and they just drifted away. Then there is the whole commitment and picky-ness aspect to finding someone but that is a whole nother story.

I guess it is hard to quantify how people see you. It is hard to quantify how smart you are when it comes to applying what you know. My grades have never been amazing. I have always been slightly above average in classes that I value. But when it comes to applying my knowledge or working hard, I can excel at those.

I guess when you think about it, when it comes to anything outside of school, how you portray yourself is who you are? If I do things to make people think I am smart, then I should be smart right? If I go to work, do things people tell me to do and present my work in an appealing way, I do good work.

The skills that I have or have acquired, they are all are appealing traits. Cooking, playing musical instruments, drawing, playing sports… they’re all good things right? I used to think that I started doing these things because it was appealing to others, but now that I think about it, I did these things because I truly enjoy them. I have to keep this in mind the next time I start to doubt myself.

I cook so I can eat the things I love eat. I play instruments so I can hear the things I love to hear. I draw… well I draw so I can let my imagination run free. I play sports to feel the adrenaline, to interact with others, and to kick ass… lol. Well when I do well.

Well my job is done. My rant is complete. Time to go back to school work.